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Blaze
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Karma: 6 |  | Nanaki
« Thread Started on Jul 15, 2009, 6:42pm » | ![[Quote]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif) |
Name: Nanaki
Age: 5 years
Gender: Male
Pack: Blooming Moonlight
Rank: scout
Pelt: Nanaki is large, powerful, coated with a thick coarse feeling fire red/orange fur that changes in intensity of colour as the seasons change going from dark to brighter and a more fire red/orange shade.
Nanaki also has a copper red strip of hair (something like a Mohican) that runs from his head to just below his shoulder blade;
On his face Nanaki has four copper red striped, two on the left cheek and two on the right.
Nanaki body is also built for stamina; he has a narrow chests and powerful long backs and legs, ideal for long-distance travel.
Nanaki measures about 37 inches at the shoulder and 2 meters from nose to the tip of the tail which has a golden blond colour to its tip.
Eyes : Dark brown/red
Special Markings : A painted on tattoo on his left shoulder and back leg.
Wings : NO
Wing Colour : NOT APPLICABLE
Special Abilities : sonic scream/ howl, capable of harming enemies’ auditory systems and causing physical vibrations. How ever this ability is not yet refined enough yet to be able to distinguish between friend or enemy so is only used as a last resort when all else fails.
Nanaki is also quick and able to clear a jump at the height of 15ft.
(Ok I will take it you have never read any of the old x men comics or the Generation X books
The sonic howl/scream was a power belonging to Sean Cassidy a.k.a Banshee Created by writer Roy Thomas and artist Werner Roth, he first appeared in X-Men #28 (January 1967).
As far as i can remember the power never left any lasting damage a few minutes, hour or days of temporary loss of hearing or tinnitus (a continual noise in the ear, e.g. a ringing or roaring), a bit like when you hear a very loud bang or if in my case my youngest little sister screaming in my ear, bloody painful and my ears rung for ages afterwards.
The physical vibration is just the after affect of the noise causing something like an earth tremor after a quake)
![[image]](http://fc08.deviantart.com/fs46/f/2009/197/c/6/X_by_Blaze2020.jpg)
![[image]](http://fc06.deviantart.com/fs46/f/2009/185/5/c/Nanaki_by_Blaze2020.jpg)
Personality : Nanaki is a great believer in the spirits of life and how those who have gone before us shape the road ahead and that you can not change things that happen in the past and can only move on and make sure that the mistakes that were made in the past are not repeated. (If you do not learn from the past you are bound to repeat it)
He is friendly and quit a pleasant guy to know, he does not judge others to quickly and gives them a chance to ether succeed or fail in their own right but he will be there to help pick them up at the end of the day.
Nanaki less then best features has to be his laugh as he has a bit of a hyena laugh that could be considered annoying by some, but he says he is 5 years old and too old to change his laugh.
Though Nanaki is friendly he is also extremely protective over his extended family as he calls his new pack and is willing to help in anyway to help keep the pack strong and safe and quite willing to try and rip the head off any idiotic cur who thinks they want to try and harm his family.
History : Nanaki is the eldest cub out of a litter of 4 with 1 younger sister and 2 younger brothers. They were born into the Cosmo Canyon pack and lived in the Cosmo Canyon region which is a ruff rocky region with few plants and greenery and very dusty place with winds that can change from warm to bone chilling cold, to some this may look like a poor place to live but to Nanaki and his pack it was home.
The Cosmo Canyon Pack was ruled over by Nanaki’s father Seto, as Nanaki grew he came to the rank of Rhos and helped lead on many a hunt to help feed the pack who he considered to be all his extended family.
But in such a hard and ruff region food was a hard thing to come by in the area and with more than one pack in the region conflict was bound to happen among the two packs, both packs paid heed to the others boundaries at first, but as the seasons change and when times got hard, friction accrued and one friction to many caused an inevitable spark leading to an all out fight for full control of the Canyon.
Though Seto and the Cosmo Canyon Pack was the victor of the fight, the casualties numbered many with Seto among them, this lead to others challenging his rule and Seto fell to the fangs of Gi, a large dark chestnut wolf.
Gi’s first order of business as the new Alpha was to chase off Seto’s offspring realising that one day they would prove a challenge to him and his own offspring.
With a heavy heart Nanaki left his home in hopes to find a new one some where.
While Nanaki travelled to the edge of the Canyon where food was very scarce even more than in his once home, hunger drove Nanaki to ignore all his instincts and any commonsense that he was born with and was caught in a humans trap. Nanaki feared the worst as he struggled to get himself free of the trap that he had stupidly got himself stuck into.
The spirits of luck were with Nanaki, as the tribe of humans who had set the trap, unlike other humans chose to live along side the wolves and the hunter who found a trapped, panic stricken and scared Nanaki. The hunter thought Nanaki was an interesting colour, with his tuft of hair, so the hunter took Nanaki home in hopes of taming him since as the human summed up that Nanaki had not reached his full two years so still had a hope of being domesticated.
Nanaki spent two seasons tethered to a post and being feed by the hunter and also beaten when he snacked or growled at the humans, ether out of anger or fear.
Nanaki also had many an opportunity to improved his fighting skills, as the human’s dogs found him a constant source of amusement and took many an opportunity to tease, taunting and fight, as he was at the disadvantage of being able to come after them when they ran outside of the length of the tether, something that the dogs found highly amusing as a high and mighty wolf was tethered like a common dog, though Nanaki sometimes came off worst he did learn some much need skills of which to fight.
Nanaki eventually decided to trust the human master, as it gave him the chance to be off the leash and to deal out some much deserved payback on the dog.
Though Nanaki trusted the humans enough to know they would not harm him if he did not snack growl or bight them he did not trust them to an extent where he would feed from their hand like a dog would. He would wait till the human placed his food down and was well away from his food before eating.
A few dogs did have the stupidity to try and take his food, but quick all learnt to give Nanaki a wide berth at meal times after a fight which resulted in a dog losing an ear.
As part of the tribe Nanaki helped with the trapping and hunted with the humans. In a way of identifying Nanaki from a wild wolf the humans gave him the tattoos on his shoulder and legs along with four gold anklets on his four legs which he felt were more of a fashion than a useful commodity and also showed that he was the humans favourite
Nanaki settled in with the humans but never forgot his wild nature as the call of the wild is a hard call to ignore, even when you are content, warm and full.
One moonlit night the call of the wild was too much to ignore and Nanaki slipped away finding the pack lands of the Blooming Moonlight, but before making him known to them Nanaki chose to hide his four anklets in case he chose to one day return to the humans.
Nanaki has now served for 3 years as a scout, but still holds the ambition to return to the Cosmo Canyon and defeat Gi
Attitude : Dilly dally Shilly Shally (a.k.a Move on)
(What he looked like before he joined the pack)
![[image]](http://fc06.deviantart.com/fs49/f/2009/185/9/7/Red_by_Blaze2020.jpg)
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Iris
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Karma: 4 | | Re: Nanaki
« Reply #1 on Jul 15, 2009, 9:33pm » | |
I'll review this and give you my critique.
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-Luca of Re-Newed Moonlight-
-Cece of Blooming Moonlight-
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Iris
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Darling you know I'll love you, Til the end of time
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Location: Crazy Train..OOH-RAH!
Karma: 4 | | Re: Nanaki
« Reply #2 on Jul 15, 2009, 11:51pm » | |
Name: Nanaki
Age: 5 Five what?
Gender: Male
Pack: Blooming Moonlight
Rank: scout
Pelt: Nanaki is large, powerful, coated with a thick coarse fire red/orange fur that changes intensity of colour as the seasons change going darker to brighter and a more fire red/orange.
He had a copper red strip of hair (something like a Mohican) that runs from his head to just below his shoulder blade and four copper red striped on his face, two on the left cheek and two on the right.
Nanaki is also built for stamina; he has a narrow chests and powerful long backs and legs, ideal for long-distance travel.
Nanaki is about 37 inches at the shoulder and 2 meters from nose to the tip of the tail which has a golden blond colour to its tip. Touch up on sentence structure and grammar.
Eyes: Dark brown/red
Special Markings: A painted on tattoo on his left shoulder and back leg. And you may keep your markings on your wolf, since you have 100 posts. But technically, you really don’t have 100 posts, but who’s counting anyway? Well, I’m going to go into your profile and put you at 75 posts because I had to delete a lot of yours because they broke the rules and messed with the flow of our plot roleplay. But you may keep the markings regardless.
Wings: No
Wing Colour: N/A
Special Abilities: sonic scream/ howl, capable of harming enemies’ auditory systems and causing physical vibrations. How ever this ability is not able to distinguish between friend or enemy so is only used as a last resort when all else fails.
Nanaki is also quick and able to clear a jump at the height of 15ft Harmed in what way? Made them go deaf? And for how long, if true? It cannot be permanent.
Personality: A great believer in the spirits of life how those he go before use shape the road ahead and that you can not change things that happen and can only move on to a sure that they do not happen again. The first sentence of Nanaki’s personality makes no sense to me. Try re-wording her, paying attention to sentence structure.
He is friendly and quit a present guy and Nanaki has a bit of a hyena sblack person laugh that could annoy some, but he says he is 5 years old and too old to change his laugh. As for the second sentence, I think you meant to say his is friendly and quite a pleasant wolf. And I’m not really sure what you mean when you say “he has a bit of a hyena sblack person laugh…”
Nanaki is very protective over his extended family as he calls his new pack and is willing to help in anyway to help keep the pack strong and safe.
History : Nanaki was born into the Cosmo Canyon pack living in the Cosmo Canyon region. The region is ruff rock and very dusty place and to some may look like a poor place to live but to Nanaki and his pack it was home.
The Cosmo Canyon was ruled over by Nanaki’s father Seto, as Nanaki grew he came to the rank of Rhos and helped lead many a hunt to help feed the pack who he considered to be all his extended family.
But food was a hard thing to come by in the area and with more than one pack conflict was bound to happen, both paid head to the others boundaries at first, but when times got hard friction accrued and on friction to many caused an inevitable spark leading to a fight. I think you meant to say, “Both paid heed to the others boundaries at first,” Otherwise, if you meant head, the sentence would make no sense what so ever. And I think you meant to say, “But when times got hard friction accrued and one friction too many caused an inevitable spark which lead to fighting.”
Though Seto and the Cosmo Canyon was the victor casualties numbered many Seto among them, this lead to others challenging his rule and Seto fell to the fangs of Gi a large wolf. Use comma’s, my friend. One after victor, one after many, and one after Gi.
Gi’s first order of business as the new Alpha was to chase off Seto’s offspring realising that one day they would prove a challenge to him.
With a heavy heart Nanaki left his home to find a new one, travelling to the edge of the Canyon where hunger drove Nanaki to ignore all his instincts and was caught in a trap. What would be a better way to word this sentence would be, “With a heavy heart, Nanaki left his home in search of a new one. While traveling to the edge of the Canyon, where he was starved, Nanaki lost all sense of his instincts and ended up being caught in a trap.”
Nanaki feared the worst as he struggled to get free of the trap that he had stupidly got himself stuck in, the spirits of luck were with him as the tribe of humans who had set the trap, unlike most chose to live along side the wolves and the hunter found Nanaki was an interesting colour and with his tuft of hair, so took him home in hopes of taming him since as he summed up that Nanaki had not reached his two years so still had a hope of being domesticated. That is a really long sentence. Perhaps, breaking it up and making it less choppy would be better. The idea is great, but the structure of forming a sentence is in great need.
Nanaki spent two seasons tied to a post being feed and also beaten when he snacked or growled at the humans, Nanaki also improved his fighting skills as the human dogs found him a constant target for fighting as he was at the disadvantage of being able to come after them when they ran outside of the length of his leash, though Nanaki sometimes came off worst he did learn some much need skills of which to fight. Again, choppy sentence is far too long. This could be split up into two or even three sentences where you calmly explain what happened to him at this camp.
He soon learnt to trust the human master though not to an extent that he would feed from their hand like a dog would, he would wait till the human was well away from his food before eating. ”He soon learned to trust the human master, though, not as extreme as to let the master feed him from his hand, like a dog. Nanaki would wait until the human was far away from his food before eating.”
Nanaki helped with the trip and hunted with the humans, the humans also gave him the tattoos on his shoulder and legs along with four gold anklets on his four legs which he felt were more of a fashion than a useful commodity. ”Nanaki helped with a trip and even hunted with the humans, who in turn, gave him the tattoos on his shoulders. In addition, he was given the four golden anklets he now wears, which he felt were more of a fashion statement than a useful commodity.”
Nanaki settled in with the humans but never forgot his wild nature and one moonlit night the call of the wild was too much to ignore and slipped away finding the pack lands of the Blooming Moonlight. Before making himself known to them Nanaki chose to hide his four anklets in case he chose to one day return to the humans.
Nanaki has now served for 3 years as a scout, but still holds the ambition to return to the Cosmo Canyon and defeat Gi
Attitude: Dilly dally Shilly Shally (a.k.a Move on)
Other then what I’ve said, indicated in red, I don’t have much else to say. I do however really like his past and the idea surrounding it. It has great potential and a certain energy that I find striking. Just fix up the things I mentioned, notify me when you finish, and I’ll give it another review before making an approval. Thanks.
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-Cece of Blooming Moonlight-
-Estel of Frozen Moonlight-
-Creed if Falling Moonlight- |
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Blaze
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Karma: 6 | | Re: Nanaki
« Reply #3 on Jul 19, 2009, 2:41pm » | |
Right i have changed a load of things and explained a few things better and in more detail.
Was not really paying attention or caring when i fist posted this as my mind was other place’s as my little sister just went to Austria that night and i was worried about her travelling all that way.
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Dragon
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Karma: 4 | | Re: Nanaki
« Reply #4 on Jul 21, 2009, 9:11am » | |
Aside from a few general spelling errors (“ruff” rather than “rough”, etc.), this is a vast improvement from Nanaki’s previous biography. The history is very White Fang-esque, but seeing as we’re not going on copyrights here, I can let that slide. xD /huge Jack London fan
Although the coloring is abnormal, it isn’t florescent pink, so that, too, can be overlooked, unless Iris would prefer we do without that. Still, you’ve given reasons for his markings, so those may stay, even if his base pelt has to be changed.
All in all, you’re improving your roleplaying skills. You’ve come a long way from your first biography, and this is far more in depth than what you previously provided us with. Just make sure you don’t do any more of the back-and-forth on a big thread anymore, m’kay? If you’d like to make individual threads for you and wolfbearfox, that’s fine, but if there’s more than just the two of you, give the other people time to reply as well. We’re not as quick as Neopets, here. :3
Good bio, I love the power (reminds me of the Bleeders from Push), I say approved.
(Also, do you make those wolf pictures? I would LOVE some of my characters. –salivates-)
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Dragon-Alpha of Re-Newed Moonlight
Szeretlek-Scout of Frozen Moonlight
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Love-Virtue of Blooming Moonlight
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Blaze
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Karma: 6 | | Re: Nanaki
« Reply #5 on Jul 21, 2009, 3:09pm » | |
I would be more worried about Squaresoft coming after me for copy right since Nanaki is a name from one of their games Final Fantasy VII and the film Final Fantasy VII Advent Children, but in the game he is more know as Red XIII. (Little guy in my avatar)
Along with Cosmo Canyon and Seto who is his father in the game.
Though now you point it out do see the White Fang type history, good book that and the films are ok to.
Wolfbearfox should be on sometime this week, she went to London with a costume group she is with and had a costume malfunction and needs to have it fixed by Saturday for the next outing. It is a strait forward fix, but its leather work so it is time consuming she says. 
(Yes i make the wolves, mine and Wolfbearfox’s, another thing that i have improved on.
Send me a PM detailed speck on colours, shades of your characters along with details on wings and wing type. Bat and dragon wings are a good for go or bird wing i can do.)
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wolfbearfox
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Karma: 3 | | Re: Nanaki
« Reply #6 on Jul 26, 2009, 1:05pm » | |
Only one thing i have to say Blaze, you missed off the feather (tut, tut) though nice to see Red XIII in wolf form. 
Have you got Vincent Valentine finished yet?
London was really fun, though you know this already Blaze as i saw you this Saturday, thank you for crewing again
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Blaze
Rising Scout
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Howl in terror Shinra lap dogs
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 84
Karma: 6 | | Re: Nanaki
« Reply #7 on Jul 27, 2009, 2:42pm » | |
I thought i would be pushing it with the anklets even thought he had hidden them and the tattoos.
As for Vincent Valentine, he is nearly done, but at the moment will not or maybe never be seen on this site, you will have to look at him in my album for now.
Badger is finished I just need a good back ground for her and she is done.
Its ok I enjoyed myself, you lot are fun to hang around, especially when you nick the metro gnome heads. I was killing myself laughing.
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